Can you practice singing Happy Birthday to me?

We were getting to my son’s birthday. The countdown was well and truly on. He was counting down to his birthday and also counting down to his birthday month. He had a birthday list of presents as long as his arm. He kept asking about it, over and over again.

“How many days until my birthday?”
“How many days until my birthday month?”
“Is my birthday on a special day?”
“Is my birthday the next birthday in the family?”
“Do I open my presents on the start of my birthday month, on my party day or on my birthday?”

Over and over again.

He had planned his party – trampoline park, same as last year which I was pleased about. Sameness and consistency suited my son. He was so excited for it all but mainly his birthday month!! This was great but I can remember the devastation he felt, not when his birthday ended but when his birthday month ended, he was heartbroken and since last year I was desperately trying to think of ways to make that better.

I knew I had to measure his height the night before his birthday and the morning of his birthday so he had something tangible to see the change in his years so I was prepared for that. I was prepared for his birthday party – we had made that work last year by putting lots of support and measures in place for him and it went well. But I could not think of how to handle his birthday month ending. I was really hoping something would come to me.

My son was talking about his birthday every single day and to be fair we were still quite far off from it but we were all going with it and talking about it. This one particular day me, him and his sister were outside in the garden as it was a sunny day. My son was going up and down the drive on a scooter and he was chattering about his birthday while we watched him go up and down and round and round. All of a sudden he said…

“Can you practice singing Happy Birthday to me……..to get my confidence up?”

I asked why and he said he didn’t like it when people sang to him. He said he felt embarrassed and funny and he needed to practice feeling ok for when people sang to him at his party. I actually felt like crying when he said this. What I wanted for him, for both my children, was for them to work out what they liked and were comfortable with and have the confidence to say. It made me feel sad that this was how he felt.

Now I know most kids get embarrassed when everyone sings happy birthday but its not just this for my son, its everything he’s uncomfortable with and I am sure most of the time, a lot of the time he is just doing things to fit in. The other day we were all having Spaghetti Bolognese for tea, and my son was just having plain pasta and he asked….

“Is it ok to not like stuff?”

I, of course, said yes and then went on to list the things I didn’t like. In the end I didn’t eat my spaghetti Bolognese with everyone, I waited until I could eat it alone because it makes me feel bad that my son must look at the rest of us eating something he wonders why he doesn’t like.

So back to the Happy Birthday song – I said yes we could practice. He got off his scooter and came and stood near me and I started to sing Happy birthday. I must say I actually felt uncomfortable singing by myself but I needn’t have worried because as I got to the end of the first line and he started waving his hands and shouting….

“Stop. Stop. Stop. STOP.”

I immediately stopped singing. I immediately thought this is bad. If he cant cope with one person singing happy birthday to him then how is he going to cope with 15 kids singing happy birthday to him. I started to say to him “We don’t have to sing happy birthday at all you know”, and he said to me deadly serious…..

“It’s not that Mam, its your singing, its terrible!”

Great.