Why is life so hard?

There has been on occasion as a grown up, days when I have asked myself the same question, although usually in my head!!! And funnily enough most recently I ask myself that question on a Monday. And today was indeed a Monday when my son asked me the same question. Let me set the scene for you……

My Mondays are busy…… 

• 8.20am until 8:45am – School Run
• 8:45am until 3pm – Work from home
• 3pm until 3.30pm -School Run
• 3.30 until 4.15ish – Work from home (while getting my sons iPad, bringing him drinks and snacks, answering his questions)
• 4.15 until 4.30 – Get ready for son’s swimming lesson
• 4:45 until 5:15 – Swimming lesson
• 5.30 until 6 – Tea
• 6 until 6.15ish – Son’s bath
• 6.15ish until 6.45 – Son’s supper
• 6.45 until 7ish – Son’s bedtime
• 7.15 until 7.45 – Our Tea
• 8pm – Take Daughter to football training
• 8.15 until 8.30 – CUP OF TEA
• 9 – Pick daughter up from football training
• 9.15 – RELAX
• 10 – usually asleep!!!

So you can understand why I would ask myself why is life so hard on a Monday. And I know it’s not really hard or that unusual as a parent to have days like that, but it is the busiest day of the week. Rolling from one task to the next while also doing odd jobs like washing, washing up, getting bags ready for next day, reading books from school and spellings is hard particularly at the start of the week. And that doesn’t account for any issues we may encounter along the way, arguments, meltdowns. If it all runs smoothly I’m done for at the end of the day, never mind if it doesn’t run smoothly.

This particular Monday was a slightly different Monday for me, and for my son. I was on a training course which meant I had to make alternative arrangement for school pickup and the swimming lesson at 4.45 as my course didn’t finish until 5. Seriously, what training course goes on to 5pm?!?

In these situations who do we rely on…grandparents of course. I got my mum on board who picked my son up from school. I had prepped him for this, made sure he knew, he knew why and reminded him of this over the preceding days to this Monday as any change, even a slight one, can throw him off totally. That was the school run sorted but what was I going to do about the swimming lesson!! 

My mum kindly offered to take him swimming. Whilst you might think this is perfect this double change to the routine was a lot for my son to deal with. Firstly I hadn’t picked him up from school and he dealt with that fine, although he did come straight home and he sat next to me at the dining table while I finished off the course. Was I pushing my luck by having another change to the routine?!?

I took 5 minutes out of the course to explain his options to him….

1. Miss the swimming lesson altogether
2. Let Grandma take him and I would come as soon as I was finished.

I say 5 minutes but in reality this decision probably took half an hour. Not really a difficult choice for most but for him, a difficult choice. And if you knew the trauma I had to get him to swimming lessons in the first place you would understand why I was starting to feel it. It was a mammoth task to get him to go for his first lesson, and a few after, and every time he moved up a stage and the class changed was traumatic for him (and me!!). He wanted to do it and he did do it but the trauma of that first lesson was horrific. So bad his body had some sort of reaction and he spent an hour or so trembling after the event while wrapped up in two blankets at home and not talking for a couple of hours.

Now for this lesson he wanted to go, he didn’t want to go, he wanted to go, he didn’t want to go and after a while he finally decided he wouldn’t go. Thank God for that, I could now relax and listen to the last hour of the course. He then sidled up to me and mouthed “I want to go”!!!!

I wanted to scream. But I took a deep breath and said good you will have to go get changed and I will come as soon as I am done here. So I took another 5 mins out got him changed at home, packed his bag and he went. And I finished the course and flew down to the swimming baths. And he was so excited to see me. And even more excited because he got moved up a stage from stage 3 to stage 4. He was absolutely buzzing, and I mean buzzing. So was I. I was a wreck but these little successes made it all worth it. We got home and we were sat eating tea and he took a deep breath and asked….

“Why is life so hard?”

And I had absolutely nothing for him this time. Nothing. Since him coming in from school I had sweat buckets trying to take in what I was learning on my training course, while trying to remain calm and aid him in making a decision about swimming, while also making sure my mum remained quiet so as not to overwhelm the situation, while also flying down to the swimming pool to get to the swimming lesson in time, then get home and make his tea.

“Why is life so hard?”

I knew I should be reassuring him and saying life is great etc etc but at this point on a Monday I had nothing left to give to anyone. And so this time I didn’t answer his question I just laughed and said “I don’t know, I ask myself the same question all the time” and isn’t that the truth. 

And I can hear you ask why did you even give him the choice of going to the swimming lesson. Why didn’t you just tell him it was cancelled. All parents tell little white lies here and there and under normal circumstances I would. But he asked me once (numerous times actually, surprise surprise) if swimming lessons are on every week even in school holidays so I asked at the pool and they said very proudly, in earshot of him, “on every week except Christmas” and my son has asked me about that over and over again…..

“Why is it on every week but Christmas?”

“When isn’t it on at Christmas?”

“Is it even on on my birthday?”

“Why is swimming on every week?”

“Why isn’t it on at Christmas?” 

So there is no lying to him about this. He will know.

He will definitely know.