Now this might not be what you were expecting to read in a blog about PDA parenting or any parenting blog for that matter but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that children ask questions when you least expect them. And in our house, no question is ever off limits. Actually, this one wasn’t even asked in the house. It was asked in the car.

We’d been to a local river where children paddle in the water. Except my son didn’t just paddle…he lay down in it. Which was absolutely fine, except I hadn’t packed a towel or any spare clothes. Rookie mistake. So for the journey home he decided the best solution was to get completely naked. There he was, sat in the passenger seat with his feet on the dashboard, legs akimbo, as I carefully navigated the country lanes.

Then, completely out of nowhere, he asked,

“What do my balls do?”

How I didn’t swerve into a hedge I’ll never know. But one thing I’ve learned through PDA parenting is that curiosity rarely arrives at a convenient time. My mam was sitting behind me, and I caught her eye in the mirror. We both knew this conversation wasn’t going away. We’ve already had, “How do you get a baby?” Now it was apparently time for Biology: Part Two.

I try to be as matter of fact as possible with these conversations. And try my best not to laugh which for someone as immature as me is really difficult. I remember telling my daughter that the anatomically correct name wasn’t “front bottom” or “privates”, it was vagina. She dissolved into hysterics. When I told my son, he also burst out laughing, although I’m fairly sure he misheard me because to this day he still calls it a “Ba-China.” True story.

So this felt like my opportunity to use the correct name again.

“Well,” I said, “they’re actually called testicles. We usually call them balls because they’re ball shaped.”

At which point he grabbed them tightly to demonstrate their shape. Meanwhile, I’m still trying not to drive into a hedge. I carried on.

“They’re just another part of your body. Like your ears, your nose… or your ankles.”

I silently prayed that would satisfy his curiosity. Thankfully…it did. For now.

We’ve had a few conversations like this over the years. There was of course, how do you get a baby? Then…..

One day, while standing at the toilet having a wee, he must have looked down and noticed the veins. From the bathroom came the loudest shout imaginable in absolute shock…

“There’s veins in my tail!”

Followed immediately by…

“Does blood flow through my tail?”

Well…there’s a question. I had absolutely no desire to get into the finer details of the male human anatomy while standing outside the bathroom door, so I simply answered,

“Yes.”

The look of amazement on his face was priceless. He then shouted to my husband to ask him if he knew this. He of course said yes. My son couldn’t quite believe it.

He genuinely loves understanding how his body works. Every new discovery becomes another question. And weeing, in particular, seems to fascinate him. Which brings me to our latest phase.

The Wild Wee.

It’s not really a problem…Just one of those things I’m hoping he’ll eventually grow out of. If he needs a wee, he’ll happily wander outside instead of using the toilet.

The garden.
The driveway.
The doorstep.
Pretty much anywhere.

So, if you ever visit my house and it hasn’t been raining but there’s a suspicious wet patch on the doorstep…I’d step over it. The other day he sent me to the shop, on my own, I might add, to buy some World Cup stickers. He video called me for almost the entire journey there and back. Then, just as I turned into the driveway, he hung up. As I pulled in, there he was. Standing proudly at the top of the drive. Having a Wild Wee.  Smiling at me as though he’d been waiting for my grand arrival so he could spray wee all over my car like a cat marking their territory.

Life with him is never predictable. One minute I’m explaining testicles while driving down country lanes, the next I’m learning about veins in his “tail,” and before I know it I’m being welcomed home by a child proudly weeing on the driveway. These are the kinds of moments that make PDA parenting exhausting, hilarious, and completely unforgettable.

The conversations that make you laugh until you cry.
The questions that leave you speechless.
The memories you’ll probably never forget.

And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this…always step across the wet patch.